Frühstück

An einem Sonntagmorgen als ich in unsere Küche kam und es nicht nach Frühstück roch und auch nicht danach aussah, fiel mir spontan folgendes Gedicht ein:

Es prutzelt kein Ei,

Es blubbert kein Brei.

Kein Speck in der Pfanne,

Kein Kaffe in der Kanne.

Ich gähn' um die Wett',

Geh wieder ins Bett!

Worauf ich tatsächlich wieder ins Bett ging.

Ultimatum

Ultimatum (lat. Ultimus 'der letzte', 'der äußerste', 'der entfernteste')

Als Grenelda Grumbelsberger hörte, dass die frühere First Lady Laura Bush ihren Ehemann George W. Bush mit dem Ultimatum: „Entweder Du verbringst den Rest Deines Lebens mit Jim Beam oder mit mir” konfrontiert hatte und er Präsident der Vereinigten Staaten von Amerika wurde, konfrontierte sie ihren Ehemann Marvin mit dem selben Ultimatum... Marvin entschloss sich für Jim Beam!

 

Fazit: Wähle Deine Ultimata vorsichtig!

Ultimatum

Ultimatum (Latin: the last one)

When Grenelda Grumbelsberger heard that former First Lady Laura Bush had given her husband George W. Bush the ultimatum that went something like this: “Either you spend your life with Jim Beam or with me” and he then became President of the United States, she confronted her husband Marvin with the same ultimatum... Marvin chose Jim Beam!

Moral: Choose your ultimata carefully!

Liebe Leser

In Zukunft werde ich einige meiner Blog-Beiträge („Ramblings“) in der deutschen Sprache schreiben. Obwohl die meisten meiner deutschen Freunde englisch sprechen, ließen sie mich wissen, dass sie den Sinn meiner „Ramblings“ nicht immer vollständig verstehen würden. Das passiert meistens wenn ich amerikanischen „Slang“, Sprichwörter oder Wortspiele einsetze. Ich habe nicht vor jeden „Post“ zu übersetzen, sondern separate Einträge zu schreiben. Natürlich wird es Ausnahmen geben, wenn ich eine Geschichte, ein Vorkommen, eine Anekdote oder einen Witz für beide Sprachen geeignet finde werde ich den Beitrag übersetzen und beide Versionen „posten“.

Caveat lector: Da ich als Teenager in die USA auswanderte, hörte meine deutsche Schulbildung in einem sehr jungen Alter auf und ich wechselte ins (amerikanisch) englische. Daher ist meine deutsche Grammatik und Zeichensetzung nicht immer korrekt. Dafür bitte ich um Nachsicht.

Dear Readers

From now on I intend to occasionally write some blog posts in German. Although most of my German friends speak English, they sometimes don't understand the full meaning of my “ramblings,” especially when I use American slang expressions, homilies, or puns. In general, I don't think that I will translate specific items, but I intend to write something different in each language. There will be exceptions, of course, when I find a particular story, incident, anecdote, or joke suitable for both languages I will translate that item and post both versions.

P.S.: If you want a good laugh, pass the German text through translating software and enjoy the resulting English “translation.”

The Password

Once upon a time I was assigned to the headquarters of the US Army's 1^st Infantry Division. We would go on what was called Field Training Exercises. These exercises were to familiarize the headquarters staff with the procedures that were to be followed during wartime. To simulate wartime conditions, the exercises always took place in some dense woods. One of the procedures practiced actually was more of a ritual than a procedure that has been practiced by every army since time immemorial: The daily assignment of a “challenge and a reply” - code words which were used to separate a friend from a foe.

When it got dark, the headquarters area was under blackout conditions. That is, no lights except red-filtered flashlights were allowed outside of buildings, tents and vans. These, one had to enter and exit through a double curtain that blocked any light from escaping to the outside. Needless to say, on a moonless, starless night it was pretty darn dark in among the trees. Access to the headquarters was guarded, of course, and anyone approaching by night when visual identification was impossible was challenged with the challenge word. To be able to pass, one had to know the proper reply.

As I had to enter the division headquarters one evening after dark for a high level briefing, I approached the guard point and was challenged with the appropriate words: “Halt, who goes there?” I stated my rank and name and the sentry said, appropriately: “Advance and be recognized!” I gingerly stepped one step closer to the challenger who then said: “Now,”  at which time I took another step forward and the sentry again said: “Now,” no longer in the required whispered tone. I thought, what the devil does he want me to do, I'm already in his face? At that point it came to me that some idiot had made the challenge for the day the word “Now,” and I was expected to reply to it and not step forward any closer.

Mother's Day 2012

A man and a woman were overheard while speaking. The man said: “Honey, you should treat me to a Mother's Day buffet.” To which she replied: “Why should I treat you to a Mother's Day buffet?” “Because I made you a mother!” he said. She thought for a moment and then her face took on a pained expression as she said with a raised voice: “Get outa here! I didn't want you to make me a mother, I thought we were just going to cuddle!” Happy Mother's Day all you accidental mothers!